The First 100 Jobs Are The Hardest
by dark-magician-gal
Summary: Bakura needs money fast, so he gets a one-shot deal as a psychiatrist; his patients Yugi, Yami, Seto, Joey, Ryou and Tea all find themselves victem to utter humiliation! That gives Ryou and Yugi the idea to make them all get jobs! Let the chaos begin!
1. Yami Bakura, the Shrink

Chapter 1: Yami Bakura: Shrink and Psychiatrist  
  
~ Scene: A Dark Room~  
  
Yugi: I don't like it... It's dark...  
  
Yami: Aww come on, didn't that duel with Panik teach you anything??? The dark is nothing to be afraid of!  
  
Yugi: Nope. I was sitting safe in my soul-room playing with my pretty duel monster cards! ^__^  
  
Yami: *sigh*  
  
Téa: Don't worry, you're friends are there!  
  
Seto: Shit for brains, shut up!  
  
Téa: ~Shuts up~  
  
Bakura: ~comes into room~ Alright people listen up. The author has promised me some cash if I give you idiots psychological help.  
  
Yami: Help? Why would 'I' need help? I DON'T NEED PSYCOLOGICAL HELP!!! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.........  
  
Téa: Can't we all just be friends?  
  
Everyone Except Yami: O.O  
  
DMGal: As Bakura was saying, you are all in desperate need of a shrink.  
  
Joey: Not Yugi, he's short enough already!  
  
Seto: Shrink means psychiatrist, you stupid mutt  
  
Joey: Say that one more time and I'm gonna kick your *beep*ing *beep*!!!  
  
Ryou: Who turned the swear control on?  
  
DMGal: I did  
  
Ryou: Cool! Now I can swear and not swear!!! *beep* *beep* *beep* *beep*  
  
Everyone except Bakura: O.O'  
  
DMGal: I'll leave you to it. ~Leaves~  
  
Seto: Now what?  
  
Bakura: I give you psychological help. Who's first?  
  
EVOE Joey: ~Step back~  
  
Bakura: I guess it's the dog going first.  
  
Joey: What?!  
  
Seto: Awww... Don't tell me that the wittle chwawa is afwade...  
  
Joey: Why, you little... I'll show him! Fine I'm first!  
  
Yami: 'Unlike you, Joey, I value my life...' --.—'  
  
Seto: 'sucker'  
  
Bakura: Take a seat Wheeler...  
  
Joey: fine... ~sits on a comfy armchair~  
  
Bakura: Hmmmmmm... Your problem is simple. You're feeling of inferior-ness towards Seto Kaiba.  
  
Joey: Oh yeah? Prove it!  
  
Bakura: Very well. Tell me about your dreams.  
  
Joey: eh? Well, there was this one where I was being chased by a giant Blue- Eyes White Dragon, and Kaiba was there, and I was wearing a *shudder* doggy suit...  
  
~Silence~  
  
Joey: And then I woke up.  
  
Seto+Bakura: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: You're supposed to be helping me, not make things worse!!!  
  
Bakura: Sorry  
  
Seto: Lemme guess, this occurred after I defeated you with my new HoloDiscs?  
  
Joey: No one asked you, Moneybags  
  
Bakura: Ok, lemme get straight to the point. You are suffering from a huge inferiority complex to Seto Kaiba. Your self-esteem is low, and you are trying desperately to disguise it by hiding under a tough, determined fearless façade.  
  
Joey: That is so not true!  
  
Bakura: You see, there it is now. Just admit it. You're scared of Kaiba.  
  
Joey: Yes, it's true V.V'  
  
Seto: MUA HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Bakura: Though there is something else. Like dogs, Joey has some that motivates him not to give up. A.k.a, his sister. Without her, Joey would have lost every single duel!  
  
Everyone Except Bakura and Joey: O.O'  
  
Seto: You have a point there.  
  
Bakura: Ok next.  
  
Joey: ~sitting alone in a corner~  
  
Ryou: Aren't you going to help him?  
  
Yugi: Maybe...  
  
Ryou: ~Animé fall~  
  
Bakura: Next up is... Ghetto Kaiba  
  
Seto: What? ME? ME? MEEEEE??? I don't need a physiatrist, thank you very much!  
  
Bakura: Listen, high priest, I hate this idea as much as you do, but in order to get my money, I need to help you all!  
  
Seto: I know that the doors are locked because I tried to get out earlier, so fine. But make this quick. I'm late for a meeting with industrial illusions USA.  
  
Bakura: Ok. What is the first thing that comes to your head when you see... ~takes out laptop with an image of a heart~ this.  
  
Seto: Love  
  
Bakura: Good alright how 'bout this one ~changes image to three droplets~  
  
Seto: Serenity  
  
Joey: WHAT??? YOU'RE DATING MY SISTER, MONEYBAGS??? LAY OFF SERENITY!!!  
  
Seto: No, you idiot I mean serenity as in sincere  
  
Joey: ooooooo  
  
Bakura: ~Changes image to BEWD~  
  
Seto: ~starts drooling~ power...  
  
Bakura: ~changes image to star~  
  
Seto: Me  
  
Bakura: ~changes image to ¥ (YEN) symbol~  
  
Seto: MONEY!!! $.$  
  
DMGal: ~Appears~ Aw come on, just hurry up, and get to the point!!!  
  
Bakura: Fine then  
  
DMGal: Good. ~Walks out of the room~  
  
Bakura: ~holds up picture of bunny rabbit~  
  
Seto: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVIL PINK BUNNIES, STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bakura: ~doodling on notepad~ Yes, Seto Kaiba suffers from a personal response mechanism due to negative reinforcement of pink bunnies. He associates this image with a greater entity, namely Maximillion Pegasus, therefore invoking fear and causing him to scream said personal response mechanism every time he sees it.  
  
Joey: Cool! ~in very stupid voice~ HEY KAIBA, HEY KAIBA, HEY KAIBA, HEY KAIBA, HEY KAIBA, HEY KAIBA!  
  
Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EVIL PINK BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bakura: Oh yes, there is something else too. ~Holds up pixy stix~  
  
Seto: *gasp* How DARE you, SUGAR MUST DIE!!! DON'T YOU WHAT IT DOES TO CHILDREN??? *shudders*  
  
EVOE Bakura and Seto: O.O'  
  
Bakura: Seto also suffers from a phobia of kids going hyper. In his case, Mokuba. Seto tries hard to avoid Mokuba consuming too much sugar, but Mokuba's sheer cuteness prevents that. Therefore, there is no cure. Next!  
  
Yami: ~Pushed Ryou in front~  
  
Ryou: Don't let him hurt me!!!  
  
Bakura: SILENCE, WEAKL-I mean, let's start with a period of silence, to reflect on our own inner struggle.  
  
Seto: ~laughs~ You've got to be kidding!  
  
Joey: Look out, Kaiba. The pink bunnies are coming.  
  
Seto: AAAAAAAA! WHERE? HUH? ~glares at Joey~ You are so dead, mutt.  
  
Bakura: Hello Hikari... Sit down. Now, what are you afraid of?  
  
Ryou: Yo-  
  
Bakura: Besides the obvious.  
  
Ryou: Well, um... sometimes... I think... I DON'T HAVE A PURPOSE!!! WAAHHHHHHH  
  
Bakura: O.o' Well, erm... why do you say that?  
  
Ryou: I mean, come on! I went to Duelist Kingdom just for fun! Doesn't ANYONE remember I can duel too? It's always YOU dueling. I want to duel too. I know as much about duel monsters as Yugi and Yami, perhaps even more!!! *sniffle* But why? I'm always on the sidelines cheering Yugi and Joey on!  
  
Yugi: *gasp*  
  
Yami: *gasp*  
  
Seto: *gasp*  
  
Joey: *gasp*  
  
Téa: Aww, come on, Ryou. You do have a purpose. We are your friends, and friends help each-other. So don't feel bad, because you do have a purpose! Even I don't know my purpose just yet!  
  
Ryou: *sniff* Thanks Téa, I needed that. ^__^  
  
Seto: I thought I told you to shut up.  
  
Téa: Oh yeah... ~shuts up when Kaiba glares at her~  
  
Bakura: Cool! I didn't have to help my wimpy hikari after all! Téa did!  
  
Joey: HEY KAIBA! HEY KAIBA! HEY KAIBA! HEY KAIBA! HEY KAIBA! HEY KAIBA!  
  
Seto: EVIL PINK BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Joey: Heh heh heh...  
  
Seto: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bakura: Ok now, a very interesting case... Téa sit on the chair and tell me about your relationship towards your friends.  
  
Téa: Well, as I was telling Ryou, I don't think I have a real purpose either! Just a cheerleader encouraging Yugi and Joey and anyone else on! Is that it? Is that my purpose???  
  
Bakura: ~Puts on reading glasses and takes notes~ Hmmm I see, like Joey, the friendship speeches is just a façade. Though what it actually shows is pure loneliness. Ryou'd better listen too. These 'friendship speeches' show that you yourself is longing for your friends to say that to you. Unfortunately, that will never happen, so I suggest you give up your friendship speeches, and be yourself.  
  
Téa: ~nodds~ be myself... DIE ALL OF YOU, DIE!!!  
  
Bakura: She is cured. Now, Yami, feel my wrath! Um I mean take a seat...  
  
Yami: Aw man! ~sits on a chair~  
  
Bakura: Now, tell me Pharaoh, what were your parents like?  
  
Yami: Uhhh... I can't remember  
  
Bakura: Try harder  
  
Yami: erm... okey. They were rich.  
  
Yugi: That's it???  
  
Yami: Uh huh.  
  
Bakura: HA! I knew it! YOUR FATHER WAS RICH, SO HE THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY TO KILL ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY VILLAGE!!!  
  
Yami: ~shrugs~  
  
Ryou: -_-' I wouldn't mind sending you to a shrink...  
  
Bakura: Whatever. Now, last but not least, Yugi!  
  
Yugi: ~sits on a chair knowing very well what everyone else did~ So, what are you going to do?  
  
Bakura: Let's talk.  
  
Yugi: About what?  
  
Bakura: Anything. I just want to get something cool out of you.  
  
Yugi: Okay. ~Whispers in Y/B's ear~ You know Joey and Tristan snore?  
  
Bakura: ~evil grin~ Really...  
  
~10 mins later~  
  
Bakura: Ok we are done. ~Puts on sunglasses and opens the door to tons of sunlight~  
  
Joey: Nice shades, Yami B!  
  
Yugi: Yeah they look good!  
  
Bakura: Thank you, Idiot 2.  
  
Yami: What shades? I don't see shades?  
  
Yugi: I already told you, Yami. You need glasses! Come closer.  
  
Yami: ~Walks closer so he and Yami Bakura are nose to nose~ Wow cool! Yugi, get me a pair!  
  
Yugi: Actually, Yami I think it was time for us all to get jobs. To contribute to society.  
  
Yami: No way!  
  
Bakura: Idiot 1 has a point there.  
  
Yugi+Ryou: ~puppy dog eyes~ pweeeeeese???  
  
Yami: fine.  
  
Bakura: Whatever... I still need more money anyways.  
  
Yugi: Great! So let's all get jobs!  
  
Seto: Not me, I already HAVE a job.  
  
Ryou: Great, then it's settled! Tomorrow we will all get jobs. Then once we get our salary, We, the Hikaris won't have to pay our Yami's expenses! Furthermore, we can have a giant shopping spree!  
  
Yami: Yay leather!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dark-Magician-Gal: So what do think? Update? Discontinue? Delete?  
  
Please Review! 


	2. To my kind editor

Chapter Two: My Kind Editor...  
  
Ryou's Dad: ~Is taking notes~ So you are saying that you were a tomb-robber and was able to break into the Pharaoh's tomb, steal all his treasures, and escape alive?!  
  
Bakura: ~Smug look~ Yep.  
  
R/D: How did you manage to get through all of those traps? When my Ex- partner and I explored the remains of it, my ex-partner died! Ooooo it was terrible... Some weird acid stuff spilled onto him when he opened a door, and it devoured him completely.  
  
Ryou: Father, that's sick!  
  
R/D: Sorry, but it's true.  
  
Bakura: O_________O And to think I could have suffered the same fate if I hadn't decided to take a piss...  
  
R/D: So, er... thanks for your time,  
  
Ryou: ~looking at his dad's notes~ A lot of the information here is wrong.  
  
R/D: So can you correct it for me?  
  
Ryou: O___O  
  
Bakura: Do it yourself!  
  
R/D: I'll pay you, ~Holds up money~  
  
Bakura: ~Makes a grab for it but misses~  
  
R/D: if you tell me more about ancient Egypt  
  
Bakura: You've got a deal.  
  
Ryou: I'm calling Yugi and Yami to help us! ^__^ ~Picks up phone~  
  
Bakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
~20 minutes later~  
  
The YGO gang: Hey Ryou!  
  
Ryou: What are all of you doing here?  
  
R/D: Don't worry, the more the merrier!  
  
Ryou: --_____--'  
  
Seto: I don't have a millennium item Ryou, why am I here?  
  
Ryou: ~is thinking: Yugi must have called the others over too! ^__^~ Uh... I-  
  
Mokuba: YAY SUGAR BAGS!!! ~Picks up conveniently located bag of sugar and dumps its contents into his mouth, then reaches for another one.~  
  
Seto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! ~Starts a tug of war by trying to pry the sugar-bag from Mokuba's hands~  
  
Mokuba: ~Pulls harder~  
  
Seto: ~pulls even harder~ I NEED REINFORCEMENTS!!!  
  
Yugi: ~Shrugs and helps Kaiba~ Man, he's tough for a little guy. Maybe Joey should help.  
  
Joey: I'm not helping that spoilt brat! ~Helps Mokuba pull harder~ Sugar ain't that bad!  
  
Tristan: No, sugar is evil! ~Helps Kaiba pull harder~  
  
Malik: This is all I have to say: I HATE YOU KAIBA!!! Thank you. ~Helps Mokuba~  
  
Yami: ~looks at the chaos before him and scratches his head~ hmmm which side should I join?  
  
EVOE Ryou, Bakura, Yami and Ryou's Dad-Who is currently in the bathroom- (don't ask): JOIN US!!!  
  
Joey: Join the winning side, Yami! Mokuba deserves freedom. The freedom to consume sugar!!!  
  
Yami: You make a persuasive argument! ~Helps Mokuba too~  
  
Mokuba: HAR HAR HAR Four against three! Surrender when you can!  
  
Ryou: It's the sugar... --_--  
  
Seto: OKAY, HERE IS THE DEAL. IF YOU JOIN MY SIDE, I WILL PAY YOU 2, 00,000 YEN EACH!!!  
  
Yugi: Sorry Mokuba. Need the money. Got problems with Ushio... You'll understand. ~Runs over to Seto and starts pulling~  
  
Tristan: He's got a point. ~Helps Kaiba~  
  
Seto: Suckers...  
  
Joey: What was that?  
  
Seto: O___O Nothing...  
  
Mokuba: *Shrugs* ~Lets go of sugar bag~  
  
Yugi, Yami, Joey, Tristan, Malik and Seto: ~Goes flying backwards~  
  
Mokuba: ~Grabs another sugar bag~  
  
Seto: No... ~Falls over~  
  
Yami: Why on earth does Ryou keep heaps of sugar bags in his dining room?  
  
Ryou: Bakura...  
  
Bakura: What's wrong with sugar?  
  
Seto: EVERYTHINGS WRONG WITH SUGAR! ~Tackles Bakura~  
  
Téa: Hey hey, take it easy, we're all friends right?  
  
Malik: No one asked you, so shut up!  
  
Téa: But we should all be friends, because friends are good... blah blah blah blah ...and that's why friends are good...  
  
Malik: Shut up!!!  
  
Tristan: *groans* ~Gives Joey money~  
  
Ryou: Why are you giving Joey money, Tristan?  
  
Joey: Err... Hey look Ryou over there! I think Yugi wants you!  
  
Ryou: Ok. ~Walks over to Yugi~  
  
Joey: Man that was close...  
  
Ryou: You wanted me?  
  
Yugi: ? uh... yes... Why are we here?  
  
Ryou: Oh! Sorry, I forgot to tell you. All the distractions, you see.  
  
Yugi: I understand.  
  
Ryou: So anyways you remember that I told you I was going to tell my father about Bakura and explain everything.  
  
Yugi: *nods*  
  
Ryou: My father gave us a job offer.  
  
Yugi: Really?  
  
Ryou: Lets sit down and I'll explain.  
  
Yugi: ~hears shouts coming from the dining room~ I have a feeling that things aren't going well over there...  
  
Ryou: Lets go ~Both run into dining room to find a TNA wrestling match between Malik and Téa~ Holy...  
  
Joey + Tristan + Mokuba + Bakura + Yami + Ryou's Dad: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT...  
  
Ryou: ~In a very quiet voice~ Quiet!  
  
EVOE Yugi: ~Don't hear a thing~  
  
Ryou: ~Takes out microphone~ QUIET!  
  
Everyone falls silent.  
  
Ryou: ~Still using mike~ Good. My father has offered us a job. If we edit his notes on ancient Egypt, and tell him more about the history of the millennium items etc... Afterwards, he will give you a fair amount of money.  
  
Malik: What's the point if Setos gonna give us more?  
  
Seto: I lied about that  
  
Malik: Oh  
  
Yami: ~Slaps forehead~  
  
Seto: No.  
  
Ryou: ~Puppy-dog eyes~ Pleeeeeeese?  
  
Seto: ~twitches~ No... must resist... cuteness... focus... brain shutting off... focus...... ~twitches more~  
  
Mokuba: ~puppy-dog eyes~  
  
Seto: Nooooooo... Yes.  
  
Ryou: Thanks Seto now lets get started. We'll each get into twos and get a page. We can change stuff and add things. ~Gives out notes~  
  
Malik: -___-' I never agreed to this... ~snatches paper and grabs a pen~  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Page 1.  
  
(--------------) Notes by Bakura  
  
/--------------/ Notes by Yami Atem: The Pharaoh of Egypt. /Meee!/ The holder of the Millennium Puzzle (I will steal it one day! *Laughs insanely*) and the one who sealed away the shadow games for thousands of years. Smart, kind and resourceful Pharaoh Atem is a worthy ruler. (I doubt that.)  
  
Bakura (The thief king): The greatest thief of that time, (Thank you but its Bakura-sama, Thief King, you fools!) Bakura was the arch-enemy of the Pharaoh /you can say that again/. Holder of the millennium ring, he had magical abilities and immense powers. His soul-monster, Diabondo is a powerful creature which can match up to the three Egyptian gods. (~Smirks proudly~ Ha ha my paragraph is longer than the Pharaoh's!) He is now the spirit of the Millennium Ring. /Duuuuuuuuuuuuuh/  
  
Mahaado: Mahaado was one of the high priests (~in sing-song voice~ I killlllled Mahaaaado and stole his riiiiing) in the pharaoh's court. In a battle against Bakura, Mahaado fused with his 'Ba' 'Ka'-Magician of Illusions, to form the Dark Magician. (Ba+Ka= Baka. Mahaado was a fool) Mahaado was the most faithful to the Pharaoh /*nods*/ and assisted in the fight against the High Priest Seto.  
  
Isis: The only female priest (Guys rock.) Owner of the Millennium Necklace witch gives the user the power of premonition (AND SHE COULDN'T EVEN BEAT KAIBA!!!). /THE FORTUNE TELLER OF DOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/  
  
Shadi: No info yet. Holder of the Millennium Key. /He's creepy/ (Who am I kidding? He's a bald dork in a bathrobe!) /When you say it that way, he isn't that creepy after all ^__________^/  
  
----------------------Page end-----------------------  
  
DM-Gal: Pages 2/3/4/5? Will be in the next chappie. Please review! 


End file.
